It's saturday, right?

Yesterday was friday, which means that today is saturday (and isitsaturday.net concurs). Which means that in half an hour, I will be going to work.

Blergh.

However, I'd gladly first talk about yesterday. Yesterday was the day when my hair got shortened once more (but I doubt anybody will notice, since it's just shorter, and unless you're used to staring at me like I am, there isn't much difference) and when I was productive enough to finish my short story with the lyrics of the song with Jekyll and Hyde. I was actually surprisingly pleased with the outcome.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even I will accomplish something at times.

Ehh, now I'm just too tired to say anything else, and anyway, nothing really mentionworthy happened. Meh.

Where's my fiddly-thing?

The first thing that's worth mentioning is that I'm not wearing my cross.

I wouldn't even notice, if it weren't for the fact that I unconcsiously fiddle with it constantly - I'm one of those people who can't sit in one spot without doing something (even if the doing something is merely listening to music or absent-mindedly fiddling with something) and I'm also one of those people who start to fiddle with things in an awkward situation. Also, an awkward situation, in my opinion, consists of a whole list of things.

Basically coming down to the fact that I fiddle with my cross constantly.

And to the fact that I've grown so used to it that it feels very odd to be without it. Since I can't fiddle with it. Because I don't have it on.

Look, I'm not a very, very, very religious person, but I like believing in a God. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. And I can't be friends with anyone who's not o-k with that, because then they're just being silly. Hey, I don't care if you worship Satan, as long as it makes you feel warm and fuzzy. But when you start minding other people's beliefs - especially when none of them really wish any harm to anything else - I start minding you.

Was working, there was supposed to be a new trainee, but she didn't show up. Had thought that her shift was next thursday. I, of course, was disappointed. Oh well. Maybe on saturday...

AND ON TO ANOTHER DAY

GOOD DAY, people, young and old and so on and so forth!
my back still hurts

It was a nice day of school today, and even though I was quite unproductive (because, honestly, who doesn't bludge when they have the chance?) I had very much fun with scribbling into my "sketchbook" and why isn't it November yet, I need to start writing my NaNo, because if not, I might go insaaaaaane...r.

But yeah. Now I've got approximately half an hour to fight this goddamn back pain away rest so that I can go and do four hours of work. I work at this cinema, and it will be kind of good, because today's thursday and nobody generally turns up on thursday. Except just when we're closing. Which will suck. However, my co-workers up there (and if any of you are reading this, like, ever, congratulations) are so awesome, that it's like a real-life comedy show.

Also, we may have new trainees in today (yes, yes, yes, we won't be the new kids anymore! *dances around gleefully*). *rubs hands together with an evil glint in eyes*

... What? I'll be nice to them! Promise!

I don't have time to write today. *sadfeis*

Oh look, a pattern

Eh, it always goes like this, doesn't it. I have an incredibly fun time at school, and then when I come home, I'm initially at least pretty content for the first couple of hours, then a monotone and depression starts to sink in - and not long after that, that damn self-pity and self-loathing settles into my head and makes a comfortable nest and doesn't seem to want to leave.

Then I have dinner and I may feel happier for a while, but after dinner it takes that hour to settle back into tiredness and depression. It's such a pattern, and I know I could somehow manage to avoid that damn self-loathing part, the part that tells me that I basically suck at everything I do, I'm a kid and stupid and all that (and gosh, I even act like a goddamn 13-year-old, no insult intended, but we all know what I'm talking about).

Stupid hormones. Stupid, stupid hormones.

I just wonder, does it ever actually go away, or is the next thing we blame the overload of work studying causes on us, then the mid-life crisis and then whatnot.

Silly human nature, never being happy with what you've got. No, I mean, I'm happy with what I've got, incredibly happy and incredibly content (because the feeling of depression never comes with an articulated desire for anything), but still, something's always wrong. Even when I can't pinpoint what it is.

Selfish little brat.

Because I like

A friend of mine (how do I always start telling a story like this? I guess friends of mine pretty much make my world such a great place to be in, that the things I do myself aren't of much consequence anymore) sent me the most beautiful e-mail yesterday. I got it today. It began with the words "Hello, I'm... and I like" and continued with a listing of things she likes.

So I hit the "Re:"-button, and started writing an e-mail in answer. Here's what it was:

I'm Anna, and I love

stories, in books or otherwise
stories that make me cry
stories that make me laugh
writing, writing, writing in any form
warm places
new ideas and realisations
sunshine
green grass
hugs, random and not
poking things
laughter
smiles
languages
fire. Fire, fire, fire
music that makes me cry
music that makes me smile
music that makes me feel in a way I can't describe
soft toys
pretty pictures
doodling into notebooks when you're supposed to be doing math
thunder and lightning
imaginary creatures
imaginary people
chemistry
flowers
facebook
people who don't care that what they say may make them seem slightly strange
people who love
people who don't pretend
going anywhere with people you like
chatting idly
lying on your back in the grass outside when it's warm, and just being
dancing in the rain
singing in the shower
long car rides
cute avatars
forums
blogs
wonderful pictures
witty comments
playful insults and great comebacks
random conversations with random people on bus stops or elsewhere
bus trips
staying up late
sleeping in
having slightly philosophical discussions over the internet
rants
glomps
extremely bad jokes
extremely random things
colourful clothes
bright colours
lyrics
haircuts and dyes
silence
silent understanding
exchanging knowing looks
harmless flirting
honesty
descriptions
unhealthy food
running fast
and ... pretty much everybody else.

NaNo again (no, I never shut up about it)

Best part of the school day is when you get out of that building and you're thinking "yessss, I can go HOME now!" I think that's why we go to school. So that we can get out of there.

Other than that, this is forming to be more of a "note to self"-post, because I found this awesome thread on the NaNoWriMo forum (that place is full of insane kids, anyone who's at least vaguely interested in writing, honestly, haul your behinds there), and I really wanna take these things down and broadcast them to the world 'cause they're just so awesome.

Yeah.

Courtesy to Clovdyx on the NaNo forums:
(in response to something rude or strange) "Thanks, man! That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me"
(in response to somebody saying they like something/that is nice/whatever) "I'll sell it to you"
(whenever something favorable happens, or something like that) "I'd buy that for a dollar"
(whenever, really...inspired by The Ting Tings) "That's not my name"
(anything) "That's a mountain I'm confident we can climb"

Courtesy to Dark.Angel:
Why are the basketballs on fire?
Sometimes I think, 'Life just isn't worth living.' Then I think, 'I need a taco.' After I eat the taco I forget about how hard it is to continue living.

I'm so thirsting to write NaNo like right now. Got the best idea ever, even though it's kinda crazy in the head.

At least I TRIED

Why is it that even when I eventually do start writing something, I don't get it done? I mean, this one's supposedly a short story, but already it has taken the proportions of four pages and quite some more to go.

Maybe my reluctance to finish it - the interest that already fled, making writing more like forcing myself to try to create a plot that doesn't create itself (and anyone who writes knows what a painful experience that is - writing is supposed to flow, at least in my opinion, not be some forced repetition of the same thoughts over and over again) - stems from the fact that I'm "re-writing" lyrics of a song, therefore making it technically fanfiction.

Especially since said lyrics are indeed included in this song.

Maybe I should try to get rid of some of these lyrics, since I'm not really rewriting it, but trying to get something done from the -- oh God, why cannot I write coherent sentences for ONCE in my damned day?

Or maybe this is why it doesn't seem to finish itself, I'm tired and can't quite think straight enough to make cunning word choices and get fresh ideas across. I think it's time for me to turn in and begin a new day of school and procrastination, tomorrow.

Damned brain that thinks night is the ideal time to get everything done, leaving me only a couple of hours every night to accomplish anything important, leaving everything else for procrastination. Silly procrastination. Well, not that silly. Silly displays affection. I hate procrastination.

Damned procrastination.

Productivity is not productive

Ooh, I'm so tired. Funny thing is that I've done almost nothing today (except going to school, but that doesn't count), and it's only 17:45 now. I haven't even had dinner yet.

Or done anything productive. Nothing new there. Silly procrastination.

Honestly, there's just a lot of things I'd like to be doing now, rather than writing down a list of all the things I'd like to be doing now. I think I'm a really silly little person for keeping myself from doing these things, and I don't even have a clear idea as to why I am, indeed, doing so.

I think it's got something to do with choice. I've always been bad with making choices. Silly choices. Why can't they just do themselves.

Like a-sexuals.

Ok, now I'm shutting up about that subject and running along and pointing a big, obnoxious arrow toward the next subject, which is what I'd like to be doing unless I would be so busy procrastination (which, funnily enough, = doing nothing at all and being a whiny bitch about it). Dear ladies and gentlebodies, I would currently very much like to be playing the sims 3, which I find a fantastic game and yet don't find "enough time" or effort in me to play too often. Which sucks.

The other thing I should always be doing is writing, but I guess I'm kind of fulfilling that objective by typing all this crap down. I mean, as long as I get at least something down from this limited verbal bank of mine, it's exercising the talent, isn't it...?

No muttering about a lazy bastard, there, I can hear you.

I should also watch that movie a friend of mine lent me, and I should... What else should I do? I'm completely sure there's something else I could/should do. Oh, there's a book that I'm reading and Guitar Hero's a nice game and now I feel like I'm making stuff up.

... I'm also sure I had a point sometime, then it kinda fled without asking any questions from me. Silly point. *shakes head and toddles off without another word*

Are good days as rare as they come?

So far, my day has been surprisingly awesome. I mean, regardless of the feeling that somebody's slowly clawing at my left shoulder (with long, sharp nails, mind you) in the effort to detatch it from the rest of my body.

It kinda hurts.

But anyway, so far, today was so awesome. I had really much fun at school, and I know how paradoxical that statement is, but it's so true, though. I really love insane people with whom you can just go insane and run in circles and make boring suddenly really fun. Also, these insane people can also be used as someone to complain to when a teacher does something stupid or idiotic or something you plainly disagree with.

The awesomeness of my day may also have to do with the fact that I really like chemistry and English and I had both of those subjects today - in doubles.

And also with the fact that I have a can of coke and a bowl of ice cream to devour.

And with the fact that I have many chapters of awesome fanfic to read.

And I've got no homework.

Sweet, sweet life. <3

Not-so-wise

Oh gosh, if there's something I've learnt over the years is that when I start feeling overly wise, I should just back down and humble up.

There's always something I'll be going on about in an overly philosophical manner, trying to prove something I'm not entirely too sure of myself, and all the while having the superiority complex of someone who's presumably learnt, seen and thought more of these things, who's more mature --

It's good I have that certain friend who, while younger than me, always knows how to patiently make me be quiet and observant again (speaking of which, where is he when you desperately need him?).

p.s. My back is positively trying to commit suicide while it's still attached to me. It kinda hurts.

We'll be writing novels

And now that I remember it, why not publish my intent of taking part in NaNoWriMo 2009, too. I mean, the more I broadcast it, the less likely it is that I'll give up after the first few days of writing...

To those who have no idea whatsoever what I'm talking about, I will give a brief summary and then direct you to the people that know how to excite you about this far better than I do. NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month takes place in November, when all more or less insane, writer-like people get mentally together and pen a min. 50,000 word novel. Anyone who thinks like a mad dash to pen 50,000 words of plotless nonsense, join me at http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng.
(*snorts* Posting that link made me feel so professional)

I've got some ideas as to how to get this thing running, mainly character descriptions. Right now, being June, I don't feel hugely concerned even though I don't have a solid plot - no starting point and no finishing point, just the general feel of where I'm going - because it's pretty early now. And anyway, I think that it's slowly forming, since sometimes when I come up with new characters, they click pretty solidly and instantly form ties to something I've created before.

Even though I feel like this will slowly form into something (with something I mean something incoherent I will have enormous amounts of fun writing during November), I think I won't be putting any ideas down just yet, because I'm known to change my mind pretty drastically. When I set my spork down in a definite manner, I will be informing you, however.

Join us, people! I'm trying to get some people I know and some people other people know together, so we can assemble together in November to write, underage and not allowed in bars as we are.

Maybe the world doesn't love you, but...

I just spoke to a friend of mine.

We're all in our teenages, so we're trying to get past this phase when the world's entirely too huge for our own good, and when all the worries of the world and everybody around us is ours collectively to carry, and when it's just entirely too much for our oh-so-wise but so child-like minds to wrap around. We all get the days when desperation wraps around us like a blanket, when everything's hopeless and pointless and no-one will ever understand and I'm so alone oh somebody help me--

If you're reading this, whoever you are, and you can feel the world closing over you, drowning, suffocating, I want to catch you and tell you that you're not alone, you never were alone and that we'll always be here for you. I don't care who you are, what you are, you're still not alone and I'm here with you, because I've been there and I'm still there and I can feel your pain, my brother/sister.

With a smile and a hug you can achieve far greater things any politicians can with great speeches about change and destiny and reform. Ever.

Why, yes, I set up another blog

I've realised this box here isn't as inspiring as it's supposed to be - this might well be the seventh or so blog I've ever set up. It's meaningless to add that most of these blogs ended up being neglected after the seventh or so post, because they always went into the bizarre shade of depressive philosophy I've recently decided I don't like.

It's not like I can help myself, though, it's just how I am.

I'll just begin by presuming nobody'll be reading this, until I at least invite someone to follow anything I write on it. And again, being informed about my fleeting interest, I might just neglect to inform anyone of the fact that I've set one of these up again.

I mean, I need something to quench my own boredom, but I think most of the time my ramblings just feed most people's boredom. So.

Gosh, right now I should be writing, but somehow my head has gotten the idea that I'm not going to write anything "seriously" before I get that Goddamned laptop I've been craving for deity-knows-how-long (which, by the way, I won't be purchasing any time soon, since firstly some of my friends who live on the other side of the world will be coming over and resulting the frantic attempt to show them around, we will be doing such an amount of shopping that being broke at that point would just be physically painful), and therefore my attempts are left with procrastinating and being bored since I have nothing to procrastinate with.

It's silly how I procrastinate even the things I would like to do. *Glances toward the movie a friend lent me, and the cover of Sims 3 I bought a week ago (and my sister still owes me fifty bucks for it).*

But I so can't be bothered. Such a plague of our current society, this boredom. We're always in such a hurry to do everything, and yet we spend most of our days glued onto the screen of a computer, doing nothing.

Or then it's just me. 's not like I can talk for the whole of a society - or even my generation. Gratz for anyone who actually has a life.